“Umm…”

I recently had a situation that took me off center.  I’ve improved a lot in terms of the length of time I stay in that state.  This time it took a little longer for me to get back to feeling good.  Those yucky feelings are attached to shadows from the past and I become angry when I find myself in that state.  Which just compounds the issue. 

What I did do, and this is an overshare, is look at KDramas. I love them, because I have to focus my attention on the show (since I don’t speak Korean) and this gives me a little breathing room. 

It didn’t take long for the Netflix algorithm to flood my page with Asian shows.  It’s great, and to not mess with the algorithm I created a separate profile for English shows.  I had fun with this, the icon is Henry Cavill from The Witcher, (because why not) and instead of my name, I called it “Umm…”.  Now I have the best of both worlds.  This was last year, and every time I log into Netflix I smile.

In discovery this new profile, my son called, and here’s that convo:

Son: Mom, what’s “umm…”

Me: What?  Umm is umm, what else can it be?

Son: Mom! What’s “umm” on your Netflix.

Me: Oh!  Well, I wouldn’t look at that if I were you. 

Son: Mom, please stop.

What does Henry Cavill have to do with being thrown off center?  Well a lot, because he makes me smile.  When I’m “in it”, I need to laugh, and I seek it out.  I look for humor in everyday life.  I even made a ridiculous post on my personal Facebook for that reason, even though others may think I’m nuts.  It’s OK, what I get out of the chuckle is worth it’s time in gold.  I seek out the feel-good feeling until I am equalized. I can then process what happened finding the “why”, and then reason it out.  I know my mind can play tricks. I know that when I’m in the rabbit hole what I’m thinking is an exaggeration. I know that my body is tense and I need to exercise, and I do. Even though I know these things, I can’t connect to the benefits from good actions when I’m disconnected.

“Umm” becomes a bridge, it gives pause in a conversation, and actually not very well received or respected if giving a speech. In this situation, whenever I think of “Umm…” I smile, then my body starts to relax, and I can recover faster. Find an “umm…”, anything that makes you smile.

(P.S. No I don’t have naughty shows in “Umm…”, and my son has recovered from the convo, his brother not so much.)

FHM (Find the Heart in the Matter)